You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
