Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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