how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
