uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
