I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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