We're facebook friends in real life
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize