Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize