and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
