I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
