Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
