I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
