i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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