did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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