I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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