i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
