Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
