well you can't waste a boner
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize