is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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