my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
