If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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