There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
