I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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