i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
