as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
