bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
