i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
