The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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