dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
