So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
