I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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