Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
