Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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