No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
