i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
