You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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