last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
