you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
