break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My underwear smells like fireworks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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