No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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