You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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