I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I understand Curling. That high.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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