Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
