you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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