i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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