We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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