i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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