Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
