Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
