Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
