I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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