i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize