i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize