More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
