Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
