drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
