..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
