I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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