You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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