theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
