1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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