She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
