life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
