Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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