yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
