New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
