I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
