i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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