I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
