Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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