this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
