those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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