I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize