A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
