just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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