We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
