you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
