The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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