apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
