I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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