ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm really busy with my period
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