my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize