I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize