Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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